A Hope and Reason.

I find myself locked at this two seemingly frail contradictions. To simply move away from hope, "There is No hope" to a meaningful (reason) life. I guess, to much of my life has been spent on hoping, of faith and the universal flow.

What is Hope?
I struggle, yet i connect so succinctly with the word. Is it a means to my end? A strategy born out of false notions, like a fever wanting to break without the necessary medications? Beneath it, stems a hollow fear of not becoming, of not succeeding.

My devotion to a quest of ease and simplicity has all but left me as of now. I stand as a man doing his best, becoming what is needed to adapt to the harsh environment set forth by the quintessential struggle - The struggle within.

I sit alone, without hope, just with pure grit; i now realize my path, the stamina needed to journey and i am unfit. What is left is my wit and my reasoning. Is it enough? The lack of hope brings me to my knees and i pray. This time not for hope and peace but for the strength to Be and Do what is important.

"I have a dream" similar to other idealist and patrons of universal love. To extinguish the harm and tyranny of this environment we have collectively created. To build a new reality over the old. To achieve visions and experience unbeknown to many - only the few. To live in harmony and in the beauty of the moments of my life. A journey i've seemed to have forgotten this last few months.

So in turn, i cringe at the effort needed, the devotion expected and the means i know i must gather - to further my being, to expand my constraints. A new found sense of compassion for my dwellings and hindrances.

I have grown and learned a great many things this few months and i am stronger for it. Not of hope but of devotion and reason. Hope is dead. But in a good way. For i seek nothing, just to be born from my nothingness.

Look, Find, Free
Unlearn Me.

Our firmest convictions are apt to be the most suspect, they mark our limitations and our bounds. Life is a petty thing unless it is moved by the indomitable urge to extend its boundaries.

~Ortega y Gasset

Are we free, truly free, to choose what we see? Clearly not. On the other hand, are we obliged, absolutely forced against our will to perceive what is first merely suggested, and then subsequently imposed, upon everyone’s gaze? Not at all.

Paul Virilio, Open Sky

Why is every event a kind of plague, war, wound or death? Is this simply to say that there are more unfortunate than fortunate events? No, this is not the case since the question here is about the double structure of every event. With every event, there is indeed the present moment of its actualization, the moment in which the event is embodied in a state of affairs, an individual, or a person, the moment we designate by saying “here, the moment has come.” The future and the past of the event are evaluated only with respect to this definitive present, and from the point of view which embodies it. But on the other hand, there is the future and the past of the event considered in itself, sidestepping each present, being free of the limitations of a state of affairs, impersonal and pre-individual, neutral, neither general nor particular, eventum tantum… It has no other present than that of the mobile instant which represents it, always divided into past-future, and forming what must be called the counter-actualization.

…It is at this mobile and precise point, where all events gather together in one that transmutation happens: this is the point at which death turns against death; where dying is no longer the negation of death, and the impersonality of dying no longer indicates only the moment when I disappear outside of myself, but rather the moment when death loses itself in itself, and also the figure which the most singular life takes on in order to substitute itself for me.

Deleuze, Logic of Sense 151-3

Shuddering, I flow into me

It besets me incredibly, how easy it is to turn away; to sit in silence and shut the noise around me out. The same system one uses to meditate - a humbling act, bringing growth with the destruction of noise of the symptoms bellowed by the masses.

Hollowing out my essence and replenishing the old with the new, seeking new growth, to step to new heights, the thirst is awakened. A tragic emancipation, fastidiously manufactured by a new set of jaded past. It overwhelms me with a new Peace.

I Judge me and my surroundings with a new found love. A quiet inhabitant I never knew existed (or at least forgotten) takes me over. I live with moments only known to me. At last I am comfortable and broken in.

No Shadows

No shadows, just snippets of peaceful dwellings.
I seek to seek naught
Serving as best i can and letting gravity take over.
I sense no struggle - simple acceptance

There is "Nothing" to Get
Always be there, this place i live in.

Enjoy, "what is"
Sublime