Life

Life...

Unexpected turns and random events seem to perturb the resolute routine i schedule myself in. It is unlike me to find a disciplined routine to churn out my daily deliverables, both to myself and the hordes of friends, clients and family - yet i do.

Life has somehow caught up with me, and i am for the first time in my life; feeling my age.

The rebel in me strengthens, but with a wiser head and with sharper eyes. I am starting to control my thoughts, and many a theory of mine are collapsing under the weight of intuition and emptying of my mind.

I am a Man.

It's funny how that strikes no cord within, "i am a man". What really constitute manliness? Muscles? The ability to provide for a family or independence from all parental support? Maybe none of the above, but it's distinction eludes me and is inconsequential for now.

I'm just glad to see all the people in my life doing well. A new place of my own... A different environment, a different approach to life and a different love in my heart - yet all still is the same. Nothing changed, just my ability to manifest what i want.

My dreams all still intact, a few i put on hold (practical reasons) but are still factored in my grand scheme of what is my future. No hopes and youthful brashness exist in my being anymore - in that i am relieved, but sad. My passion is stronger, my efforts doubled but that innocent swagger, the arrogant aloofness has dissipated into maturity. Now' choices take a much more deliberate form, and my battles are always picked instead of going against the grain, headfirst.

I don't know what is in store for me, the next 25 years, or will i live to see my 51st birthday. All i know is, i am here and now. This time here and now, holds all meaning and i am in the practice of exploring as many Milli-seconds i have in all of my present moments.

I am blessed to have the job of my dreams, to lead my own life as i see fit, and have all the ability and wisdom to create/manifest all that which is important to me. I know how much of a difference life takes on, when i devote my entirety to service and evolution, both of myself and to others.

So life...

I am so glad to see you well.

"Be a philosopher but, amid all your philosophy be still a man"
~ Hume

My confluence

All i know is my life started with a breath, a sweet intake of air, of the cosmic consciousness into my very essence. How I came to be, i have yet to understand, however who i am today is a pale reflection of the love that has brought me this far. Not to sound melodramatic, but i have received and given this force called love as i have embraced my shadow of fear and repression.

A duality i still struggle to find a center to. I have seen others who move to the beat of their own drum and i am almost always inspired and in awe. The courage to follow and express what is inside of them, despite the constant distractions of challenges - gives me hope. To me these folks are filled with a wisdom very few posses and even fewer seek. It is not obvious who these people are as they are always humble and blend in with the rest, but they have a presence and aura unmistakable to a master.

I have also witness the drones who walk this earth, with faceless passion and ambiguity disguised as knowledge, with righteousness in their ignorance, and they used to fill me up with incredible sadness. I was way too young to understand the undertow of society's perpetuating force of displacement and deconstruction. Now i understand I am also one of them, not separate but actually am one of the "sheeple"...

Yet that has always been a tug, a constant itch in my gut, that is trying to wake me from my slumber and breathe the sweet air once again. Sometimes i listen, but on rare occasion. The bulk of my activity has been gear towards my own personal gain. The food for the ego, the fodder of my collapse, chokes me and i can't stop over-eating the rubbish. Every time i move away, i get drawn back in deeper and more stuck. I am a spiritual bulimic.

I know intellectually the Ying and Yang, the embracing of the duality will be the death of my ego and through the centering of my vibrations i will be in peace and love. I understand that manifesting that is the only purpose and the only truth. Everything is as it is, and that beauty lives in the perfection of the symbiotic relationship of waves transposed as matter caused by the electromagnetic fields called consciousness.

I get it...

Up here, in my head:

But to experience that in my essence, is a different matter all together (pun is intended)

I see the strings, i feel the confluence and i am starting to move to beat of my own essence.

I am flowing to places and experiences, new and brilliant.

And i am thankful..."My reflection wraps and pulls me under

Healing waters to be bathe in Brena

Guide me safely in worlds i've never been

To heal me, heal me, my dear Brena

Vulnerable

It's all right

Heal me, heal me, my dear Brena

Show me lonely and show me openings

To bring me closer to you, my dear Brena

Vulnerable

It's all right

Opening to heal...

Opening to heal...

Heal..."

Lyrics from Brena

~ A Perfect Circle

Dissatisfaction

It's started with an empty stare.

How, the images -hauntingly looked back at me, the spirit i have within suddenly erupted with much dissatisfaction. I'm tired of this game, the bestows of subjugation; the anarchy of my mind, least tantamount of which my physical needs crave. An issue after issue, a test after test, a journey like stale strawberries hampered by the harshness of the environment, by my small insipid situations.

You see, you can't keep refusing rights.

My studies on the History of Social Activism have seriously dampened my faith in the Human Race as a whole. The amount of hate, violence, pain and anguish throughout history has left powerful haunting debris, with which we have still refused to look, to understand and to properly fathom - yet we want to change the world? The falsehood of our so called nature precedes what is really true and factual.

What is true is some people care, but most don't give a fuck if another human being is starving, exploited or dying. How have we come to this? The 80/20 rule does not seem to apply to this condition.

Fact

• Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn't happen.
• 20% of the population in the developed nations, consume 86% of the world’s goods.
• The developing world now spends $13 on debt repayment for every $1 it receives in grants.
• According to UNICEF, 30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.”
• Water problems affect half of humanity
• 2.2 million children die each year because they are not immunized
• 15 million children orphaned due to HIV/AIDS

And these are just a small example of statistics one can find on the internet. What does this tell us? Absolutely almost nothing... Why? Cause who really gives a damn? Who among us really stands for human rights? Who here recycles and keep track of what they consume like no tomorrow? Have we stop taking from another species just because it looks good, taste good and makes us a good living? How many of us, sponsor children programs and initiatives? How many of us, dedicate our lives to making this world a better place, who fight couragesly, who lives as simply as possible, who gives everything just to make a disempowered human being, powerful and alive? How many of us study because we want to serve humanity better?


I know i don't.
And thats the problem....

It breaks my heart, that my soul has always called for more. My eyes have seen the torment, my mind has read much about the human condition, in the days of my life i too have experienced pain and lost, i too have came close to death, but yet do i do what is required? Somehow the excuse of "I'm already doing the best i can & i am but a man" has left me today.

My research has brought me glimpses to what is possible for the human race, the dedicated Men and Women, who lived deliberately - who stood and died for what was right, who paved the way for just a moment of peace, of true hope, of a better today taught me, what is like to live. A quote from Henry David Thoreau resonates powerfully at that moment of elevated consciousness, when i stared into the empty space.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Just as the winds take my sails, a prelude to what is to come, i am indeed blessed yet i know there is much work to be done.

"So to care
or
Plead silence,
weak hands are calling"
~ Lyrics by Chevelle (Panic Prone)

They call,
"We need our Rights"

What are you going to do about it?