In a small thumbnail, the size of a nail head. The smallish nature of this system, I am starting to notice my hollowness. Why I approach certain situations with pride, and reach for affection when I am rejected?
I wonder, if could it be my fear of being stood upon - my competitive reprieve? I do not have much gumption to hold myself that highly. I am nothing in comparison to many others, when a faculty is called into juxtapose.
No special place of my design.
Secluded I stand in the mean-time. The truth staring at me head on, with grotesque’s blood stained eyes- I cannot avoid. It’s my time to face up to choices of consequence I didn’t calculate. How one action/inaction affects the whole? It sits in wait… it knows I will fuck up, but my lack of expertise and knowledge/experience is a testament to my fatalistic ignorance.
I shall be so vain, helpless and in a deep addiction to covering my tracks. I am tired. I never knew, I never surfaced. My jaundice of natural wisdom, pleads a cleansing and nourishment away from a hedonistic whim. A form, a function of purity leasing me more time to move this machine into an archaical form. A new being perhaps, or the same old, with new clothes this may somehow ceases…or not.
Not chastising but an understanding.
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