Ode To Existence

Seminal radiance, impeccable visage and an unruly countenance for it's sublime force is Nature. Much more then Gaia, the Universe bounds all, to a force unpronounced and undiscovered. It flows in all of us and yet its simplicity in perfection goes unnoticed. So strong it spruces life as wooded oxygen givers, to be it's sentinels which watches over all organic motion. Next a radiant mirror of light, a ball of gravity pulls our life blood covered in salt, high above us, only peeking its grace bringing romance. Gazing at this monochrome; enchanted - is a homage to an ode called "Existence".

" The sage as astronomer. - As long as you still experience the stars as something "above you" you lack the eye of knowledge."
~ Nietzsche - Beyond Good and Evil

How could it be better then this?

Like a confused picture, i hold my views of my life in check. All sentiments of hope is thrown out the window. I am back to where i have begun. This journey has come full circle, almost to a completion. The old replacing the old. Nothing new, except more equipped and wiser. So few understand my plight, my incessant joy of the challenge, the struggle.

Carlos Castaneda said it so brilliantly,
"The spirit of a warrior is not geared to indulging and complaining, nor is it geared to winning or losing. The spirit of a warrior is geared only to struggle, and every struggle is a warrior's last battle on earth. Thus the outcome matters very little to him. In his last battle on earth a warrior lets his spirit flow free and clear. And as he wages his battle, knowing that his intent is impeccable, a warrior laughs and laughs."

My life as so far, been an endless struggle just to survive, to live and build my dreams, to have others be free and empowered, to dance and play, to be serious and corporate, to simply explore the depths of me. It never ends and i want to be someone that "Lives" not just surviving and merely existing.

But at this juncture, i feel the lowest i have ever been. Everything seems crumbling around me. This alienation is bewildering. I feel lost and confused about so many things, and my future is dark and unclear. I know what i want, but the new question which is what scares me the most, is; how do i reinvent myself to get there?

Reinventing the fabric of who i perceive myself to be. Have I been so megalomaniacal, that i forgot that i am just a space, an energy to do as i please, to create as i see fit? That i am nothing more, than my intent and the conversation in my head? Have I sought answers to questions yet defined?

Who am I?
I am simply, "I am".


JUST A DROP IN THE WATER.

So i guess thats what I'm to be, do and have.
1. Explore
2. Breathe
3. Love
4. Create
5. Enjoy
6. Write
7. Bliss
8. Appreciate
*Random Order*

Farewell my readers/friends.
You are my everything.

"To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.”

~ Emerson

Smoke Screen - Odyssey

A strange urge grows within. A seminal truth I am not sure quite to believe. Is it a moment of clarity or deception? A smoke screen thats bright and clear but shielding me from the perfection of the abode?

I am Loved?
I am Free?
I am Clean?
I am unloved?
I am bounded?
I am soiled?

Trust the Sun and the Moon.
My mystic totem, hears my truth,
of what is still, a contained secret kept from me.

I am tired of this reality, I am tired of me. This is not a depression, but an underlying conversation I have with myself. In all innocents, I do not know any truth, just concepts of this existence. In which it's covered depths I have barely scratched , let alone explored. This odyssey is internal and eternal.

And I am afraid.

Hapless

"I like her because she smiles at me and means it."

Missed?

Chances are I am missed, but missed; a play of words that confuse.

I am “missed” that which, some other thinks about me and my essence, feels a connection, or lack thereof.

However I am “but missed”, is surely a cast aside; thrown away toy that has been thoroughly used but with an attached memory and youth.

That leaves me with no control what so ever, maybe except that I am still here.

“What you save is what you lose out in the end”

An Ending Journey

A loss seems to be a gain sometimes. No poems here and now just honest truth.
My time to just bare it all. A shock and rude awakening that always seem to plague my life. Always when I'm climbing and striving, a moment changes my path instantaneously.
I remember a poem which i wrote when i was 15.
A phrase that stands out in my memory.

"God you give me strength, just to have me fall, so that i will have strength to fall again."

This time round, God, she interferes with my progress. A behemoth decision for a little waywardness, can only happen for divine reasons. But I'm quick to open my crown and see what it means and what impact it has. A sadness of an idea which made so much sense. It's amazing how a moment changes everything.

What i used to love, is left behind and this chapter is closing, however it is not fully shut as yet, but its almost there. And i am loving every single moment. My awakening is unfolding before my eyes. My journey of this foundation is almost at its end. The new journey of exploring who I am is about to begin and it will be intense, beautiful and sublime.

I just need to be patient with who i am. And let it flow.

A Symphony Loves

Our love was a Symphony of pure nature;
I thought would never end.

Silence ensues on its stage....