My Meditation.

my struggles leave me,
my movement stills

i sit initimately with my fear
i see it's face.

it's beautiful

as it's silence evelopes me

my mind relaxes
my breath smooth

my everything and my nothing

ensues....

Afraid to Blink in Case I lose the Sun

In a small thumbnail, the size of a nail head. The smallish nature of this system, I am starting to notice my hollowness. Why I approach certain situations with pride, and reach for affection when I am rejected?

 I wonder, if could it be my fear of being stood upon - my competitive reprieve? I do not have much gumption to hold myself that highly. I am nothing in comparison to many others, when a faculty is called into juxtapose.  

No special place of my design.

Secluded I stand in the mean-time. The truth staring at me head on, with grotesque’s blood stained eyes- I cannot avoid. It’s my time to face up to choices of consequence I didn’t calculate. How one action/inaction affects the whole? It sits in wait… it knows I will fuck up, but my lack of expertise and knowledge/experience is a testament to my fatalistic ignorance.

I shall be so vain, helpless and in a deep addiction to covering my tracks. I am tired. I never knew, I never surfaced. My jaundice of natural wisdom, pleads a cleansing and nourishment away from a hedonistic whim. A form, a function of purity leasing me more time to move this machine into an archaical form. A new being perhaps, or the same old, with new clothes this may somehow ceases…or not.

Not chastising but an understanding.

 

My confluence

All i know is my life started with a breath, a sweet intake of air, of the cosmic consciousness into my very essence. How I came to be, i have yet to understand, however who i am today is a pale reflection of the love that has brought me this far. Not to sound melodramatic, but i have received and given this force called love as i have embraced my shadow of fear and repression.

A duality i still struggle to find a center to. I have seen others who move to the beat of their own drum and i am almost always inspired and in awe. The courage to follow and express what is inside of them, despite the constant distractions of challenges - gives me hope. To me these folks are filled with a wisdom very few posses and even fewer seek. It is not obvious who these people are as they are always humble and blend in with the rest, but they have a presence and aura unmistakable to a master.

I have also witness the drones who walk this earth, with faceless passion and ambiguity disguised as knowledge, with righteousness in their ignorance, and they used to fill me up with incredible sadness. I was way too young to understand the undertow of society's perpetuating force of displacement and deconstruction. Now i understand I am also one of them, not separate but actually am one of the "sheeple"...

Yet that has always been a tug, a constant itch in my gut, that is trying to wake me from my slumber and breathe the sweet air once again. Sometimes i listen, but on rare occasion. The bulk of my activity has been gear towards my own personal gain. The food for the ego, the fodder of my collapse, chokes me and i can't stop over-eating the rubbish. Every time i move away, i get drawn back in deeper and more stuck. I am a spiritual bulimic.

I know intellectually the Ying and Yang, the embracing of the duality will be the death of my ego and through the centering of my vibrations i will be in peace and love. I understand that manifesting that is the only purpose and the only truth. Everything is as it is, and that beauty lives in the perfection of the symbiotic relationship of waves transposed as matter caused by the electromagnetic fields called consciousness.

I get it...

Up here, in my head:

But to experience that in my essence, is a different matter all together (pun is intended)

I see the strings, i feel the confluence and i am starting to move to beat of my own essence.

I am flowing to places and experiences, new and brilliant.

And i am thankful..."My reflection wraps and pulls me under

Healing waters to be bathe in Brena

Guide me safely in worlds i've never been

To heal me, heal me, my dear Brena

Vulnerable

It's all right

Heal me, heal me, my dear Brena

Show me lonely and show me openings

To bring me closer to you, my dear Brena

Vulnerable

It's all right

Opening to heal...

Opening to heal...

Heal..."

Lyrics from Brena

~ A Perfect Circle

Swing Life Away

I was browsing some sites i frequent and stumbled into an intrinsic question, which tickled my silly brain into some real activity (activity that has been stagnant for sometime now.) A harmless question that spoke and reflected my internal fears. I would like to approach the question with introspect, an added humility to my state of being. As its reality, poses a true test of character and perhaps poise of spirit.

"How many unwritten novels, unrealized campaigns, and brilliant ideas have never seen the light of day?"

A simple question; yet it probes malignantly at me, gnawing and taunting, cause it seeks a truth about our human condition, ultimately my own condition -

How many of us actually realize our dreams?
How many of us, even know what our dreams are?
(I have meet some people who actually don't even know how to dream.)

- we the majority fail.

Or do we?

I remember reading about "Mumia Abu Jamal" a few years ago, the ongoing struggle of the Black Man and him quoting Malcom X, "Don't be shock that i say, i have been in prison, we are still in prison". That's how i feel sometimes, this struggle; this life seems to enslave me further, the job, the relationships, the necessities of survival in this metropolitan society. It encases my spirit in a lackadaisical whim and i fold my cards, yes i fold, as it's what society expects anyway. Stop this childish dreams, focus on career, save money and settle down. Jeez... is that all that is to life?

Than i look deep within, the internal conflict of the longing of freedom and the purpose my souls calls forth - and i can't seem to find the balance between the three.

Freedom - Purpose - Responsibilities.

What a task, what a task...


I think it is a sick society we live in, where the Thais throw illegal aliens overboard to their deaths just because they have no space for refugees, dolphins are captured to provide sick entertainment, where; the powers that be, place little resources in keeping the masses educated and well informed, where to follow through on one's dream has to take a arduous path of self-sacrifice and frown upon as irresponsible.

How many unwritten novels, unrealized campaigns, and brilliant ideas have never seen the light of day?"

"Why do they always teach us that it is easy and evil to do what we want and that we need discipline to restrain ourselves. It's the hardest thing to do in the world - to do what we want. And it takes the greatest kind of courage." ~ Ayn Rand

We rob ourselves and each other from living full lives...


It is our responsibility to chase our dreams, it is a right of anyone to ask for support and help as it is our duty as a society to encourage and provide the resources to make all dreams reality. Leave no man behind. To evolve, we have to shift our thinking and lifestyles completely - cause we are at the edge of destruction. We have fragmented ourselves to a point of misunderstanding, confusion and self-loathing loneliness.

It's about time, and i hope, dearly hope that with Obama leading America, change will come. But as we all know it starts with me. It is difficult, with all the repression society, friends and family provide once we begin the journey. (those who have started, this includes self-sabotage - you know what i mean) Most of my closest friends are awakened to some extent and are on the path of significant purpose and i applaud them, for all the courage, blood, sweat and tears just to have their lives turn out. All effort is with a tremendous amount of heart and bravery. But i question this.

Why does it have to be hard?

I recently read about homeostasis and it speaks about a deep seeded resolve to continue the status quo on a very primal and subconscious level. I also understand this in the context of the mind - That change is unwelcome and if so, must be in very small doses. The discrepancy of new information or environment will almost always cause a violent rejection. To quote Arthur Schopenhauer.

"All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident"

Therefore, change: if is not to be opposed has to come in small doses.

That brings me to me and my mortality. Being 26... a young man, with a pure heart, a clear mind and a passionate resonance of soul who seeks to uplift my own consciousness - finds beauty in the struggle. And i feel that is the point of it all, cause really there is nothing else to do....

The question, "How many unwritten novels, unrealized campaigns, and brilliant ideas have never seen the light of day?" is inconsequential. I think, a powerful question to ask is, "have i attempted pursuing and accomplishing my dreams and have i made life easier for others to pursue their own?"



"We live on front porches and swing life away We get by just fine here on minimum wage If love is a labor I'll slave 'til the end I won't cross these streets until you hold my hand."

~ Lyrics to
"Swing Life Away"
by Rise Against.

To what are the cost of my desires?

I figure, if i were to assimilate myself totally to the social construct put forth by our plaintive society, is to seriously immerse myself into a barrel of acid. The sensibility and realistic responsibility they claim and stand upon in their hierarchical disposition, kicks me squarely on the head. The unethical and weak dealings we as a society try to squeeze from the very limits of our nature and from each other is blatantly primitive.

Couple that with the lack of our logic is frighteningly hilarious.

We kill each other --> to acquire resources---> to kill each other.

Yup, yup yup... nice isn't it.

At least the ridiculous zealots has stopped pumping religious propaganda up our asses. They don't lie about it anymore. "Give us your Love, money and youth - so that we can get more Love, money and youth. Oh and it's in the name of god... mind you." I'm surprise they haven't been able to just go to the banks and just get loans to hire Saactchi & Saactchi in designing posh ad campaigns. They already make billions in tax free donations, so why not just have them go public and float them on NASDAQ as well.

Hmm... Imagine City Harvest going IPO. You never know....

Oh don't get me started with the financial industry.... the largest manipulating religion there is.

I'm starting to think this the Financial Meltdown, is the best thing that is going to happen to the human race. Couple that with our re-approach to sustainable living and the timely appearance of civic journalism seems to bring fresh perspective and faith of the next decade. (i personally cannot wait for the 2012 prophecy just to see what happens)

Can you see, the duplicitous catastrophic helm we live in? The tone of which is absurd yet remarkably simple. Yes is No, Right is obviously Wrong and Pepsi is actually Coke with stronger food colouring. All of which is probable and the improbable simulacrum of this reality we have built for ourselves. How many times in my life have i heard, "Life is a paradox."

No you idiot, it isn't.
That is the con.
That is the menagerie of ignorance and assumption.

The upper echelons of human consciousness has seen and documented this. It is an illusion, our simple, narrow and egotistical minds cannot pull away from. We place so much trust in our arrogance of knowledge and understanding, so we can feel that false sense of "I am Special, I am Unique" we fail terribly in the use of our infinite wisdom, to expand and evolve.

We are but a language, a contextual fabrication of the loose meaning of reality we build in our minds. A conversation. Nothing more, nothing less.

So be like the rest, let the poor get poorer, let the hungry-starve and let the malnourished children steal bread from each other. You don't really have to give a damn. Be like everyone else, and blindly seek that magical moment for your life, where you feel satisfaction and pride, when peers pat you on your back and admire you for your intelligence and wit. Where you can finally deem yourself successful...(whilst the rest of civilization crumbles)

Peace be with you as your life is your own, but leave me and the other like minded "Idealist" you so proudly label; reinvent, revolt and redeem the honour of our species, of our heritage, of our brethren.


Mother of us all
Place of our Birth
We are witness
To the Rape of the World.
~ Tracy Chapman.

Dissatisfaction

It's started with an empty stare.

How, the images -hauntingly looked back at me, the spirit i have within suddenly erupted with much dissatisfaction. I'm tired of this game, the bestows of subjugation; the anarchy of my mind, least tantamount of which my physical needs crave. An issue after issue, a test after test, a journey like stale strawberries hampered by the harshness of the environment, by my small insipid situations.

You see, you can't keep refusing rights.

My studies on the History of Social Activism have seriously dampened my faith in the Human Race as a whole. The amount of hate, violence, pain and anguish throughout history has left powerful haunting debris, with which we have still refused to look, to understand and to properly fathom - yet we want to change the world? The falsehood of our so called nature precedes what is really true and factual.

What is true is some people care, but most don't give a fuck if another human being is starving, exploited or dying. How have we come to this? The 80/20 rule does not seem to apply to this condition.

Fact

• Less than one per cent of what the world spent every year on weapons was needed to put every child into school by the year 2000 and yet it didn't happen.
• 20% of the population in the developed nations, consume 86% of the world’s goods.
• The developing world now spends $13 on debt repayment for every $1 it receives in grants.
• According to UNICEF, 30,000 children die each day due to poverty. And they “die quietly in some of the poorest villages on earth, far removed from the scrutiny and the conscience of the world. Being meek and weak in life makes these dying multitudes even more invisible in death.”
• Water problems affect half of humanity
• 2.2 million children die each year because they are not immunized
• 15 million children orphaned due to HIV/AIDS

And these are just a small example of statistics one can find on the internet. What does this tell us? Absolutely almost nothing... Why? Cause who really gives a damn? Who among us really stands for human rights? Who here recycles and keep track of what they consume like no tomorrow? Have we stop taking from another species just because it looks good, taste good and makes us a good living? How many of us, sponsor children programs and initiatives? How many of us, dedicate our lives to making this world a better place, who fight couragesly, who lives as simply as possible, who gives everything just to make a disempowered human being, powerful and alive? How many of us study because we want to serve humanity better?


I know i don't.
And thats the problem....

It breaks my heart, that my soul has always called for more. My eyes have seen the torment, my mind has read much about the human condition, in the days of my life i too have experienced pain and lost, i too have came close to death, but yet do i do what is required? Somehow the excuse of "I'm already doing the best i can & i am but a man" has left me today.

My research has brought me glimpses to what is possible for the human race, the dedicated Men and Women, who lived deliberately - who stood and died for what was right, who paved the way for just a moment of peace, of true hope, of a better today taught me, what is like to live. A quote from Henry David Thoreau resonates powerfully at that moment of elevated consciousness, when i stared into the empty space.

"I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived."

Just as the winds take my sails, a prelude to what is to come, i am indeed blessed yet i know there is much work to be done.

"So to care
or
Plead silence,
weak hands are calling"
~ Lyrics by Chevelle (Panic Prone)

They call,
"We need our Rights"

What are you going to do about it?